Nineteen Weeks & Nesting

Nineteen weeks has yielded many additions to the Baker household, so I thought I'd share them with you. First, here's a picture of my growing belly. (Even though I don't think the photos do me justice.)

Our big acquisitions this week are our cribs! I scored an excellent deal online and got us $200 off the total price. Plus, they were delivered right to our door. We're waiting to construct them because we don't currently have space and also because my dad is coming to help us set up the nursery in the beginning of March - and he needs something to do!

Earlier, I noted that we purchased a chair for me. Today, we got to pick it up! It is very nice and is currently in our living room, which will not be it's home for long. Unfortunately, we've been acquiring furniture without getting rid of any, but that will change soon. The chair is a rocker/recliner, but it's also motorized! I can adjust the leg height and the degree it reclines to any place I want with the push of a button. That means no hard kicks and clicks to get the chair back to normal - moves that would surely wake up a drowsy baby.

And last but certainly not least, I got my first baby present today. Not only did our friend Lynn treat me to lunch, but she also gave us three of the cutest little stuffed animals you ever did see. And they're as soft as they are cute. There's a pink kitty, a green alligator (who we may try to pass off as a dragon), and a blue puppy. They are already fitting right in.

Ten Things They Don't Say

I did not walk into this whole pregnancy thing thinking it would be all roses and puppy dogs, but at 4 1/2 months, it's already much harder than I expected. Now, I'm sure a lot of this has to do with the fact that I'm carrying three babies and not just one, but still. There are just so many things that people don't tell you about pregnancy...

1) People are stupid. With all the things people should tell you about pregnancy, there are many other things people shouldn't say when you are pregnant. Here are some examples from just this week. "Did you get some rest? You looked really tired the last time I saw you." "Wow! You're face is really red. Are you having hot flashes or something?"
2) It's like dementia, but for young people. You've probably heard of the contested idea of "baby brain." I think it's worse than that. (And I swear it's true.) My grandma used to forget where she was going when she left a room and sometimes even forget the purpose of her sentence as she was saying it. That's how it feels when you're pregnant. Just today, I picked up dinner, got into my car and looked with astonishment at my phone, which was in my center console. I used it while I was waiting for my food and had no recollection of putting it in the car, but unless my purse and vehicle are inhabited by ghosts, I must have done it.
3) It's' like puberty, but for older people. Think back to the days - probably in Junior High - when your skin started to become oily, zits started to appear on your face and back, and you maybe even flushed when someone talked about sex. Yeah, that happens again. I have more body acne now than I ever had... total... in my entire life... combined. A whopping 15 minutes passes and my face is covered with oil and I'm shining like a beacon in the night.
4) Breathing becomes a thing of the past. That lovely pregnancy "glow" that people talk about (that apparently makes me look like a red faced wino), I discovered, is actually caused by the major influx of blood produced by pregnant women. Interesting fact, but who knew that it also caused the arteries in your nasal passages to expand, which makes it hard to breathe. It feels like you're congested - and sometimes you are because you can't take, well, anything for allergies or congestion - but really it's the interior of your nose swelling with blood, which will come gushing out if you foolheartedly decide to blow your nose to relieve the pressure.
5) Random rogue hairs appear, unsolicited. As a kid, you probably remember spying Uncle Sammy's nose and ear hair sprouting uncontrollably from places it shouldn't have been or Aunt Sally's chin whiskers. Yeah, that also happens you when you're pregnant. Random, long hairs start springing up in the most unlikely of places, from your chin to your boob or even your arm. And they don't seem to grow. They just magically appear one day.
6) Your uterus has more connections than you do. Everyone knows that your uterus grows during pregnancy and that makes you waddle, causes you back pain, and makes you look "cute" to everyone who's not currently pregnant. But what you may not know is that your sciatic nerve runs under that same uterus and, as it expands (as good pregnant uteri do) it tends to press on that nerve, which can cause shooting pain down your leg, up your back, or cause numbness in your foot or toes. It also presses up into your ribs, making yet another part of your body ache and contributing to #4 - breathing as a thing of the past.
7) Feeling the pressure. Everyone knows that the weight gain and shifting bulge of pregnancy causes feet and ankle swelling, but it also causes crazy lower abdominal pressure. A woman I spoke with today said it was an intense burning sensation for her, but mine is more like a combination of intense bladder pressure with menstrual cramps. And once it starts, it doesn't go away until the baby weight is gone.
8) Information overload. Before the Internet, people couldn't look up every ache and pain to see what could be the cause. Not today. We have so many resources that something as normal as backache can turn into a purportedly life-threatening situation for mom and baby. And if that wasn't enough, once people learn that you're pregnant, everyone wants to tell you what you can and cannot do.
9) Losing control. Everyone knows of the stereotypical pregnant woman depicted in movies and TV. You know, the one weeping uncontrollably at the Hallmark commercial or swinging wildly from one emotion to the next. Now, to be fair, this seems to vary widely, so I won't even try to make a claim about emotional control. What you probably don't know about, though, is bladder control. As the uterus expands, it puts an increasing amount of weight on the bladder and any little laugh, cough or sneeze can cause one to be in need of a minor wardrobe change.
10) It's a long tunnel. Although pregnancy and parenthood is definitely something to embrace and be excited about, it can feel like the light at the end of your tunnel is a very long way away. And, although many people around you will probably not fully understand your feelings, it's okay to be sad, angry or frustrated at the process. For approximately 40 weeks you lose control of your body and there is very little you can do about it. Just today, I was expressing my frustration to a mother and she said, "But you're almost there." I couldn't believe her. To get into the "safe zone," I've got at least 11 weeks - that's almost three months. And the ideal is actually 17 weeks - over four months. Three to four months and I already spend most of my day struggling for a comfortable position, struggling to remain motivated enough to teach classes, let alone grade work once I'm home, struggling to know that there are things I need and want to do that I simply can't physically do any more, struggling with the fear that I'll be put on bed rest for those 3-4 months or that the babies will come early and this will all be for naught. And unlike everyone else who is not currently pregnant, you can't walk away from these things because your body is a constant reminder of each and every one. I think those are grounds to feel moody, depressed and irritable. Hopefully not all of the time or for the entire pregnancy, but it is really hard to look down that long tunnel and know that these things will not go away early. You won't wake up tomorrow and suddenly feel fabulous for the rest of the pregnancy. And I think we do present and future pregnant women a disservice when we make them feel like they are bad people for feeling this way. Think, for a moment, about the last time you were really sick and how, after several days of misery, you began to feel like you would never get better. Now imagine that illness lasting for 10 months. Now you're beginning to empathize with the pregnant woman. It is truly a long tunnel at times.

There are far more symptoms and side effects of pregnancy - some good and others bad - but these are all symptoms I have been lucky enough to experience during the past 4 1/2 months. And I know there are some women out there who never experience any of these. (And yes, sometimes I want to punch them in the face.) And aside from being humorous to post, I hope that some people do learn something, even if it's just empathy, through this "top ten" list. I know I didn't know any of this stuff when I began this journey and I wish people had been more honest with their own experiences in order to better prepare me for this process. So here's my contribution. I hope that you found it both enjoyable and enlightening.

Preparations

I'm currently in my 18th week of pregnancy (that's 4 1/2 months for the non-preggo world) and things seem to be moving quickly. I am at least halfway to my estimated delivery date (36 weeks) but could have as few as 12 weeks to go (30 is the beginning of "okay"). Plus, I've only got 4 1/2 weeks left of teaching before I get a reprieve... but who's counting, huh? (Damn right I am!) This is a perfect time to begin what the books call "nesting," although I like to think of it as mandatory declutter and prep time. In my last post, I wrote a little about combining our home offices. You may think that this is a small task, but it really isn't. We've both been in control of our own spaces for three years now, so it's really like moving in with someone. The new space doesn't really feel like mine and we've both had to sacrifice some things to get everything to work, but we're making real progress. And every time I open my office door or go into the wrong room for something, I am reminded that something really is changing around here.

In my last post, I wrote a bit about registering and then realizing the cribs wouldn't work for our sitation. Well, we also thought we had a theme picked out for the nursery, but that has changed, too. I have had a vision for that space for a while and Brian was finally getting on board with it, but then we found this adorable room divider at our local Home Goods. If you know Brian at all, you know he went straight for it and we both fell in love with it. So, we are no longer going for a forest at night theme, but a medieval one. And no, my little girl will not be forced into some passive princess in pink sparkles role. She's going to be one kick-ass little girl who can be whatever she wants, whether it's a princess, a sorceress, a knight, or even an imaginary dragon. Brian seems much more excited about this theme and things are already coming together more smoothly for it. We even got some really cool foam shields to hang on the walls that the kids can use when they're older.

Baby A Profile

As for the technical/medical side of the pregnancy, things continue to look really good. We had an in depth ultrasound on Friday and confirmed that the twins are boys. The singleton is still being shy, but the sonographer felt pretty confident that it is a girl. We've been refining our list of names, as well. We thought we had those down (sound familiar?) but they have been shifting, too, so I'm not going to share them quite yet. We also are still missing at least one middle name. Otherwise, Baby A (boy lowest in my body) is the biggest. He's actually in the 80% percentile. This is something that they're watching because there is a chance that one of the boys will steal the others nutrients since they share a  placenta, which can be dangerous and even fatal for the other child. They look for a 20% difference  in size to signal a problem, but we are nowhere near that right now.

Baby B Profile

The other two (Baby B - other boy, on my left and Baby  C - girl on my right) are very similar in size. Heartbeats are strong, everybody is moving around (although I still can't feel it) and preliminary body/organ checks are right on par.

Baby C Profile

My body, on the other hand, it still trying to keep up with the amazing growth happening within it. Luckily, my cervix is still looking great. (They watch this because, if it shortens, they will put me on bed rest so I don't deliver too soon.) However, I'm filled with aches, pains and other side effects I had no idea accompanied pregnancy. I'm doing my best not to complain, but this past week I have been very irritable and grouchy, which also lends to more complaining and self-pity. My loving husband (who is teaching overload units and a class at another university) is being ever so patient and even running out to get some things that sound good to me at any particular moment. We're trying to work together on all of these activities, but it becomes difficult when I can do so little, become exhausted so easily, and he is working so much. Regardless, I think we're making the best of it and at least we seem to have happy, healthy, growing babies to show for it.

Reality

Pregnancy is weird. You start off feeling like you've got a low grade flu and when that fades, you just feel sore and awkward for no apparent reason. You know why you don't feel like yourself, but there is very little that really reveals the pregnancy. You may gain some weight, but that's not new to most people. It's strange to look at yourself in the mirror, see that your belly is growing, and not beat yourself up for that. Instead, you're supposed to eat more and get rest. That's not to say you shouldn't exercise, but it's not the same as before - when you realized your belly was getting dangerously close to matching your boobs in diameter and you bought every physically interactive video game and home exercise program on the market. But despite all of that, it's hard to imagine that there is a little person growing inside your body. You may read the books and know that at week X your baby is Y ounces and Z inches, but it's still just so abstract.

I'm still at that point. My body is definitely experiencing the physical "symptoms" of pregnancy more than most, but it's still hard to imagine that, come late spring/early summer, my doctor is going to pull three pink, slimy, and screaming human beings from my body. And once they're out, they're ours. Like, they will come home with us to stay... for at least 18 years. That is utterly insane and really hard to wrap your head around, especially when you've been married for over 10 years and things have remained generally the same within your household for that entire decade.

But here in week 17 we've been taking some steps that are starting to make things feel more real. I've been slowly cleaning out my home office - the soon to be nursery - and we finally got a bigger replacement filing cabinet for Brian's office - the soon to be shared home office. But this wasn't anything that really screamed baby. However, what has are baby shower preparations. With triplets, there is so much that is unknown that a baby shower has to be timed carefully. Too early and you risk having it during the "danger time" of pregnancy where there could be a problem that makes all of the gifts a moot point. Too late and you could be on bed rest or the babies could already be born. So we've chosen the first weekend in March, when I'll be right at 25 weeks - right past the minimum "safe zone" for babies.

But there's more to a shower than creating an invitation list and trusting your hostesses to plan a great event. You need a registry. Sounds simple enough, but trust me, it's not. Especially when you're having triplets. We had done some research and thought we knew where we wanted to register and what furniture we wanted for the nursery, but we were wrong. Upon measuring the room and comparing that to the furniture measurements, we realized we needed something smaller... and who knew there was such a thing as a mini-crib? Not us! So we decided we'd register at a brick and mortar store and an online one. So we proceeded to spend 3+ hours registering in store, only to discover that the other store had access to all of the stuff we needed (even if some of it was online only) and offered a much better set of discounts. So, two days later we were at the other brick and mortar store registering yet again. And then, we knew I would need a good, comfortable chair in the nursery for breast feeding and baby comforting, so we happened into a furniture store and found the perfect chair, which we scored for 10% off. With each of these steps, with each decision we had to make, and even the small purchases we made along the way, it started to sink in there are actually going to have babies. And every time we had to register for six of something instead of two, it was a reality check that we were having three babies.

Despite all of that, things still feel the same in our house. They are changing slowly and subtly, but they are changing and I'm trying so hard to connect the dots as I go - to make reality set in. I keep expecting to have some epiphany followed by a minor panic attack, but day after day, it doesn't happen. Who knows, maybe we'll be able to wade into this whole parenting thing slowly and steadily, without the panic attacks, and embrace the reality as it comes... but I'm keeping the paper bags and Zanex close at hand, just in case.

Money, Money, Money, Money. Mon-ey!

It's costs a lot to have a baby, even if you only have one and you do it the "old fashioned" way. But when you do IVF and end up with three babies, it costs even more. This was a major factor in deciding whether or not we would pursue this route. When it costs you about the same amount you paid for your new Hyundai in 2005, you want to make sure you really want to travel down that road. But we have steady jobs with good pay and thought, what the heck!? Let's do it!

But this isn't to say that paying these large bills wasn't (and isn't) painful. Each check written and credit card swiped was taken with a grain of salt and we're still looking at many of those bills. But one of the first amounts I had to pay was for lab work at Clovis Community Hospital. I had heard through my specialist's office that, if I had to get the blood work done on a weekend, that they often won't run it through the insurance. Instead, they will charge you the full amount. This seemed preposterous, but the office reassured me that it was fairly easy to get your insurance to refund the difference. Armed with that information, the time came when I needed that blood work done and, wouldn't you know it, that day was a Sunday. So, off I went to the lab via the ER and was told it would be right around $600. It was a really good thing I had been warned about this because otherwise I probably would have jumped through the little window, scurried over the stout balding man who was just doing his job, found his manager and demanded s/he get on the phone to my insurance company. But I didn't. I handed the man my card, took the receipt and went on to the lab. This was back in late August.

Today, I finally received my reimbursement check. Yup. We're talking five long months for a refund of around $500. That's not chump change, my friend! And, despite what my doctor's office had told me, it did not come easily. I made at least 20 phone calls and spoke with at least five different people before my phone demeanor apparently bumped me to the higher-up who could actually do something for me. When she called me last week to tell me she was cutting a check as we spoke (hallelujah!) she said that my persistence revealed a whole slew of bills that were erroneously rejected by our insurance carrier and that if I hadn't been so pushy (my words, not hers) I wouldn't have been the only person paying far more than they should have been. Instead, they were correcting these problems and cutting checks. So, it pays to be persistent!

Now we can put that money where it belongs - on our credit card - and focus on all of the other expenses associated with having triplets, like doctor visits every other week, three cribs, a very expensive triplet stroller, etc. But, at least we got our money's worth with the IVF! Who would have imagined we would get the three for one deal on our first run. And that's why it's important to be thoughtful about your decisions, but not to let money stop you from the things you really want. I'm not saying you should hock your wedding ring for some cool new gadget, but when it's really worthwhile, things seem to work out in the end. At least that's the song I'm singing now with that lovely check in my hands. :)

Good News!

Today I met with my OBGYN for a regular visit and we got all sorts of good news. We found out yesterday from the perinatologist that my body seems to be handling the weight of the pregnancy thus far and, at this point, there is no sign of mandatory bed rest. At this appointment, I learned that my glucose test came back negative, which means that I don't have gestational diabetes. Yay! They will retest me in week 24, but things look good for now. We also decided that we would start me on progesterone shots. They have been proven to help women with singleton pregnancies who have a history of preterm labor. There's no proof that they will help me, but we figure it's better to be safe than sorry.

The doctor then proceeded to do the ultrasound to make sure everyone's heartbeats were still present and strong. As he was looking around, I said "Let me know if you happen to see anything in there. Everyone keeps asking what we're having, but I just keep saying 'babies.'" I knew we'd find out a week from Friday regardless (that's when I have my in depth ultrasound) but I figured it was worth a shot. And lo and behold, he saw something! He wasn't 100% certain, but it looks like we're having identical boys and a fraternal girl! We've got our first names chosen already (one of the benefits of trying for over a year) but we're still missing one middle name, so mum's the word for now. I'll keep you posted, but for now... we're having a girl... and two boys!

The Parenting Club

First of all, I promised pictures, so this is what I look like now at 16 weeks (four months). Now, moving onto the post.

There are many groups that I have not fit into during my life. I was never part of the cool crowd, yet I never embraced the "nerdier" groups that existed as voluntary pariahs within a sea of peer pressure. And, up until recently, I never really had the desire to join the club of parenthood. Even now, I enter motherhood reluctantly and wonder about how it will affect me, my marriage, our careers, and our friendships. At this stage, I feel like I will enjoy being a mother - probably a lot more than I can conceive of now - but I doubt that I'll have that all-encompassing aching devotion to it that will make me want to spend every moment of every day with my children. I haven't been that way with my husband (although he is great and I enjoy our marriage), so why should I be that way with my kids?

Brian and I have already discussed how we want to be as parents. (As if anyone can truly construct their parenting identities sans children.) We want to be the kind of people who bring their children into their world, not shape their entire world around their children. We both plan to continue our careers while enjoying parenting, too. And yet I've spoken to several career-driven women recently whose perspectives changed when they joined the motherhood club and I wonder, will I find myself in that same boat a year down the line? As horrible as this may seem to some of you, this is a frightening thought to me. My identity has involved my education, my teaching career, my independent nature, and my neutrality towards kids (in all honesty, I'm not a big fan) for as long as I can remember. Can one moment in time - the birth of my children - really undermine this identity that I've constructed, embraced and even promoted for the past fifteen years? That's a scary thought. But I think what is even more frightening to me is the thought that I might want it to change.

Some people may say that is what it means to be a parent, but I refuse to believe that raising a family has to cost a person - any person - their individuality, their hopes or their goals. And, at least at this stage, I can't fully understand how someone could change her position on life so dramatically in such a short span of time. Perhaps it's because I grew up in conservative churches where being married and having kids was the litmus test of happiness and success, but I'm afraid to become that person. I was always so certain that I wouldn't, but now I'm not so confident. I guess all I can do is hold my breath and see what happens. I suppose that's really all any of us can do when faced with true life change. So, I'm taking a deep breath... let's see what happens in four months!

Four Months

I am amazed to report that I am officially 16 weeks today. That's four entire months. For those of you still on nine month pregnancy mentality, normal gestation is actually 40 weeks or ten months. That means I'm not quite halfway for "normal," but considering 30 weeks is the beginning of the "good zone" for multiple's gestation, I am actually about halfway. Absolute craziness.

I returned to work this week after 2 1/2 weeks off for the winter break. It's nice not to be fighting nausea all of the time, but I am just so achy and tired; it makes it difficult to work my normal schedule, which really isn't that strenuous compared to that of so many other working pregnant women. Regardless, I am tired. I am sore. And I had a really strange radiating pain Wednesday morning that put me completely out of commission for about 20 minutes and then caused me to sleep from exhaustion for another few hours. Thank goodness I only had a night class that evening, so I didn't miss any work. But it is stuff like this that catches me by surprise and makes me wonder why women keep getting pregnant decade after decade after decade. But I digress. I'm not done teaching for the week and I welcome the sleep tomorrow.

Ironically, my 2 1/2 week vacation seemed terribly short, but the 1 1/2 weeks that have passed since my last doctor's appointment seem like an eternity. I'm not worried, per se, but I am definitely curious to make sure everything is still as it should be in there - that everyone's still doing okay. You would think seeing a doctor every other week would get tiresome, but I'm actually looking forward to it. With so many things up in the air, I like knowing that I will know at least something on a regular basis. So I've just got to wait until Monday. Then, I see the perinatologist to make sure that my body is handling the pregnancy well thus far and that bed rest does not look like it's in my immediate future. The very next day, I see my OBGYN for another check-up. I'm not sure what he's looking for, but it's nice to know that he's looking. And amazingly, at the end of the next week, we go in for a triplet ultrasound. I will be eighteen weeks and so should be able to learn the sex(es) of the babies; plus, the perinatologist should also be able to screen the babies for early warnings of some health hazards. It seems impossible that my 18 week marker is only two weeks away. Much like the past weeks, time seems to move so slowly in some ways and speed past in others.

On that note, I know that I have not posted many pregnancy pictures either here or on Facebook. That's because we haven't taken any more. I promise I'm not holding out. The problem is that, by the time Brian and I are both home and available for picture-taking, I either feel horrible, feel I look horrible, or am already in my pajamas and don't want to change. However, I will make a better effort this weekend so that you can see how big my belly is getting. I promise.

Thanks for following me on this crazy journey. I can't believe I've gotten just under 200 hits! All this for little 'ol me and the three little "us"s in my belly.