A Bedtime Rant

I'm not sure why, but tonight as I was getting ready for bed I kept thinking about the different ways people have responded to our news. And maybe it's simply because I'm pregnant, but no response seems to make me happy. When people say, "Oh how exciting," I want to throw a dose of reality in their faces and tell them how much this will cost us financially, physically, mentally, and emotionally. On the other hand, when people say, "You poor thing" or "Wow. That will be such a challenge," I want to tell them that we'll handle it. More than that, we'll make it look easy. Maybe it's because both types of people mirror my own feelings at one moment or another, but there has to be a better way. Why can't people ask how we feel instead of telling us how we should feel? Why not say, "Wow. That is amazing news. How are you feeling about it?" And I don't mean, "How is your husband handling it," which I already get quite frequently, as if the man will just faint like the husband in that stupid credit card commercial everyone and their mother asks us if we've seen the moment they hear we're having triplets. Trust me. We know this is big news. We're neither naive nor stupid, yet people keep asking, "What are they going to do?" and telling us how scared or excited we should be. Don't you think we already are those things? Don't you think that we already know this will be a challenge? We are two rational, college-educated people in their 30's for goodness sake. We are not a teenage couple whose birth control failed and is now blindly stumbling into parenthood. We planned this. We paid lots of money to get medical help doing it. We mentally prepared for twins. I'm sure we'll manage with triplets. So be supportive, be honest, be inquisitive, but stop trying to tell me how I should feel about becoming a mother of three.

15 Going on 25

Today I begin week 15 of my pregnancy. It's a strange place to be because, for most women, they are only 1/3 of the way through their experience; but for me, it's more like half. Although we want to get much farther, my doctors would be happy if I reached 30 weeks. It's kind of the minimum safe zone for multiples. So I really shouldn't have been surprised to learn that I am "progressing" much faster than the average pregnant woman... much faster. This week, I was measured for the first time. Don't get me wrong, they "measure" just about everything else each time I go in for a visit (and they were only too cheery to note that the holiday season had helped me pack on some extra pounds), but this was the first time they measured my belly. Now, I had just done a visual belly comparison with my best friend who is only four days ahead of me in this process. We felt we looked pretty much the same. My belly seemed to start a little higher, but we seemed to stick out about the same amount. Au contraire. The nurse practitioner measured and then announced, "Well, you're measuring right at 25 weeks." Really?! That's 10 full weeks ahead of my actual gestation! No wonder I've been in maternity clothing since week 10! But I have to remember that I've got three times what normal women house in their bellies. Three babies with three sacks and, well, two placentas. That's a lot to shove in your abdomen.

Aside from this little shocker, this week has been a pretty good one baby-wise. Although I overdid it a bit during the holidays and am more sore than normal, I'm beginning to feel more confident in my body's ability to get us all through this pregnancy. This seems odd considering I've been in more pain, but the pain has been what I deem "normal" pregnancy discomfort. It's not pain that signals a problem. Instead, it signals shifts in my body that tell me that it is working to accommodate this new situation. I am still aware of the risk factors involved, but am less fearful of things going horribly wrong. We even came up with what we think will be a much better work plan for me - one that will allow me full pay (not disability pay) longer and hopefully give me a break that will make the last two full months of pregnancy easier... and perhaps even allow me to avoid much bed rest. The first baby shower is already being planned and my dad is booked to fly in around week 25 to help us with the nursery. Things are looking up.

I must admit, though, that it is still strange to look down and see a growing belly. (Most of us associate that with frustration and reestablished diet plans.) But it's even more bizarre to really think about why that belly is there - that there are three human beings growing in there. It's something that I know, but it's not something that I really fully grasp. I'm getting there, though. We're only a few weeks out from knowing the sexes of the babies and I think (despite all of my feminist leanings and disdain for gender roles) that will help me to feel more attached - like this is really truly real. And I hear that once I start to feel the babies move, reality really sets in. I'm not there yet, but each I get out of the shower and look at my profile in the mirror and really see the changes in my body, it becomes a little more real.

Gratefulness

Last night, I met a very interesting woman. She is one of my mom's neighbors and, although it has been many years, when she was young she had five children in six years. Six entire years of being pregnant! I can't even imagine. And she said to me with a smile, "I never felt better than I did when I was pregnant." I am not that woman. I'll be honest. When I find women closer to my own age who tell me they loved being pregnant or they felt so fabulous during those nine months, I want to hurt them. I doubt their honesty. I have not felt good. And just when I crossed the twelve week mark and nausea started to subside, and I thought the end was in sight... no. It has returned. Now, in week fourteen, the dry heaving has resurfaced along with the nausea. I have headaches (and sometime migraines) just about every day. My allergies are having a field day... and there is very little I can do about any of this. Take ginger. Use heat packs. Take a Tylenol. Yeah, great. Like any of those things are as good as "real" drugs.

But then I hear of friends (far too many friends) who are having trouble conceiving or who are having legitimately challenging pregnancies and I have to take a step back. True, it took some medical intervention to get me knocked up, but it worked for us. (In fact, it worked a bit too well, if you ask me.) And true, I feel like I have low-grade flu 24/7, but that will end and we will hopefully have three healthy babies as payment. I can't say the same for everyone else in the world. That is something to be grateful for. And it brings some reality to our own pregnancy - things do not always work out as you had planned. Right now, we have more than we bargained for, but that could change in a heartbeat. Our perinatologist so kindly told us that 25% of multiples don't even make it to the 24 week "safe zone," which is a sobering statistic. But for now, I need to be grateful for each day that my peas have in their pod and show true kindness and love to those who are struggling because, well, it's the right thing to do and because it could just as easily have been us.

And We're Public

As I approach 14 weeks, I decided it was time to share my blog. We shared our big news with the (virtual) world right before my 12 week mark, but I hadn't quite decided what to do with this blog. I've been anything but consistent, but I've decided to give somewhat regular posting a shot since this is such an important time in our lives and so those who want more details about this process can get them. So, here's a quick recap of our lives since August 2011:


* discovered infertility was the reason we weren't getting pregnant.
* decided to do InVitro Fertilization.
* transferred two blastocysts.
* were told we were having twins - both took!
* told in week 10 there was a third baby. My granddaddy's twin genes had apparently taken affect.
* much shock, changes in doctors and meetings with friends in the medical field.
* acceptance (for the most part) and lots and lots and lots of doctor's appointments.

At this point, we are feeling pretty optimistic. However, this week we met with our new perinatologist (a doctor who works with high risk pregnancies) and he told us about a lot of risks. I know his intent was to inform, but it also put a dark hue on the day. We were not naive to the risks of multiple gestation, but it's hard to hear a list of all of the bad or challenging things that you and your babies may have to endure in the upcoming months. But we realized that there is no use dwelling on the "what ifs," so onward we go!

This is my first (and ONLY) pregnancy, so I have no idea what is normal... and from what everyone tells me, nothing is normal when you're having triplets. And to have all this after IVF makes things even more unusual. But the weirdest thing for me is starting to show. Normally, this doesn't happen for women until 14-15 weeks, but I started to show around 11 weeks and really started to "feel" pregnant body-wise at 12 weeks.  Stretching positions I used to do with ease, like the Child's Pose in yoga, have to be modified because there's this weird protrusion where my moderately flat stomach used to be. And it's not fat that can be squished one way or another - it's something else entirely.

It's also strange to think of all of the things we need in order to accommodate three little ones. There's the usual - three cribs, three high chairs - but then there are things you don't think about, like a car that fits three car seats safely in the backseat. Or like nursing accessories that help a bipedal mother with two of, well, everything important, care for and feed three babies. And a bathing system that will easily accommodate an "assembly line" of baby washing that also won't kill my back. Not to mention a house that can comfortably house five people and two dogs when ours is stuffed with two adults and dogs. This gets a little overwhelming, but we made our first step forward on Friday. Actually, I made that first step. I negotiated for and bought us (well, primarily myself - it will be my car officially) a crossover vehicle with third row seating: a 2008 Mazda CX-9. And I got a damn good deal on it, too.  In fact, after 1 1/2 hours of negotiating, the manager actually wrote "you won" on the final offer. And although this car meant another car payment (mine was paid off entirely) it also made me feel more confident - like we had taken the first truly practical step in being able to handle this new stage in our lives. It made me more confident. Now, when people say, "Enjoy sleep now because you're not going to get any for a long time" or "Wow! The next few years are going to be really tough," I just want to tell them we can handle it. That we're going to make it look easy. I know it will be different and definitely challenging at times, but my perspective is finally starting to change from naysayer to go-getter, and that's a good feeling.