Holiday News

Baby or no baby?

As I mentioned in my last post, there have been some strange timing parallels between this and our first round of IVF. And, if you don't follow me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/imgonnabeawhat) you might be wondering if there have been any new parallels - like some good news. Unfortunately, the timing of the test(s) was the extent of the similarities. We found out on Tuesday that our blastocyst didn't "stick" and I was told to stop taking my medication. It was tough news for sure, but there was a ray of hope. I was on a strict diet that would have left me eating just turkey and green beans for Thanksgiving, but thanks to this news I was able to be fully glutinous with everyone else!

In all seriousness, it was a blow. We had kind of taken for granted that this process can be difficult since we had such success with the first attempt. We both assumed my test would be positive and that we would be on schedule for a baby in August. It's not like we had gone out and bought a crib or anything, but we were starting to let ourselves be hopeful and a little excited about the process. For anyone who has experienced a pregnancy loss, you know that's not easy to do, but we were trying. Then, to have that door closed on us again was that much more difficult. And having the holidays upon us again has been tough. There are just so many reminders of what we went through before and where we thought we would be this year. But we just have to trust that it will happen when it is meant to, and clearly that wasn't November 2012 for us.

Our specialists don't do a cycle in December (which is why we went with November in the first place) so we have to wait until mid-January to do another transfer. But now that we know things may not work out - my "magic" uterus apparently used up too much fairy dust on our first attempt - we have to seriously think about whether to try one blastocyst again or go back to two. There is always that fear of ending up with two or three babies. But the odds are so slim it's almost worth not having to pay for the whole cycle more times than needed. (It costs us about $1,200-$1,500 each time now for the frozen embryo process.) It costs the same whether we transfer one or two, so I want to ask if there is any benefit to transferring our last four separately other than the risk of multiples. At least we have some time before we have to make that decision.

Hopefully, my entire body will benefit from waiting until January. My back is still unstable and I have two more physical therapy appointments. Maybe waiting will allow me to continue to get in better shape and get my back that much stronger so I am happier and healthier for a pregnancy. This last year really took a toll on my entire body. Not only is my back still recovering from the surgery, but I have my normal degenerative disc stuff, new knee pain and inflexibility, and my hip has gotten worse. (I had osteomyelitis as a child, which left me arthritic in one hip.) Basically, I'm an old woman in a young woman's body and that makes me worry about how well my body will take any pregnancy, especially one where I need to carry twins. So perhaps extra time is for the best.

Although January feels so far away, it really isn't. I have another appointment on December 6 to talk about the next cycle and to get new medication instructions. That's only two weeks away. And the office is in the hospital for one week right in the middle of January. That's only about seven weeks from now. Not long at all, really. So in the meantime, I'm going to eat every high potassium food I can find and enjoy some good wine and maybe even a Long Island iced tea (I've always wanted to try one) through the holidays. By January, I'll be sick of gluttony, my back will be a rock, and my knees will be flexible again. And hopefully my uterus will have its magic back... but not too much magic. Just enough for one little baby who we can meet this time next year.