Reality

Pregnancy is weird. You start off feeling like you've got a low grade flu and when that fades, you just feel sore and awkward for no apparent reason. You know why you don't feel like yourself, but there is very little that really reveals the pregnancy. You may gain some weight, but that's not new to most people. It's strange to look at yourself in the mirror, see that your belly is growing, and not beat yourself up for that. Instead, you're supposed to eat more and get rest. That's not to say you shouldn't exercise, but it's not the same as before - when you realized your belly was getting dangerously close to matching your boobs in diameter and you bought every physically interactive video game and home exercise program on the market. But despite all of that, it's hard to imagine that there is a little person growing inside your body. You may read the books and know that at week X your baby is Y ounces and Z inches, but it's still just so abstract.

I'm still at that point. My body is definitely experiencing the physical "symptoms" of pregnancy more than most, but it's still hard to imagine that, come late spring/early summer, my doctor is going to pull three pink, slimy, and screaming human beings from my body. And once they're out, they're ours. Like, they will come home with us to stay... for at least 18 years. That is utterly insane and really hard to wrap your head around, especially when you've been married for over 10 years and things have remained generally the same within your household for that entire decade.

But here in week 17 we've been taking some steps that are starting to make things feel more real. I've been slowly cleaning out my home office - the soon to be nursery - and we finally got a bigger replacement filing cabinet for Brian's office - the soon to be shared home office. But this wasn't anything that really screamed baby. However, what has are baby shower preparations. With triplets, there is so much that is unknown that a baby shower has to be timed carefully. Too early and you risk having it during the "danger time" of pregnancy where there could be a problem that makes all of the gifts a moot point. Too late and you could be on bed rest or the babies could already be born. So we've chosen the first weekend in March, when I'll be right at 25 weeks - right past the minimum "safe zone" for babies.

But there's more to a shower than creating an invitation list and trusting your hostesses to plan a great event. You need a registry. Sounds simple enough, but trust me, it's not. Especially when you're having triplets. We had done some research and thought we knew where we wanted to register and what furniture we wanted for the nursery, but we were wrong. Upon measuring the room and comparing that to the furniture measurements, we realized we needed something smaller... and who knew there was such a thing as a mini-crib? Not us! So we decided we'd register at a brick and mortar store and an online one. So we proceeded to spend 3+ hours registering in store, only to discover that the other store had access to all of the stuff we needed (even if some of it was online only) and offered a much better set of discounts. So, two days later we were at the other brick and mortar store registering yet again. And then, we knew I would need a good, comfortable chair in the nursery for breast feeding and baby comforting, so we happened into a furniture store and found the perfect chair, which we scored for 10% off. With each of these steps, with each decision we had to make, and even the small purchases we made along the way, it started to sink in there are actually going to have babies. And every time we had to register for six of something instead of two, it was a reality check that we were having three babies.

Despite all of that, things still feel the same in our house. They are changing slowly and subtly, but they are changing and I'm trying so hard to connect the dots as I go - to make reality set in. I keep expecting to have some epiphany followed by a minor panic attack, but day after day, it doesn't happen. Who knows, maybe we'll be able to wade into this whole parenting thing slowly and steadily, without the panic attacks, and embrace the reality as it comes... but I'm keeping the paper bags and Zanex close at hand, just in case.